Home

I've been reading a series of posts on La Belette Rouge about how people define Home, and started thinking about what Home means to me.

Home is walking in the front door after work and being greeted by my cats. It's sitting on the couch and doing a little reading before I start supper. Maybe even having a quick nap, just because I can.

Home is the feeling of unquestionable belonging.

It's where I can be and feel and express everything exactly as it is. I don't have to try to make a good impression on anyone. If I'm watching a sad movie and blow through a whole box of tissues (pun intended) I don't have to feel self-conscious.

Home is where I can just be.

Home is where good conversations happen. I'm fortunate to have a roommate who is also a friend, and a very gracious one at that. I'm a bit of a talker and she's heard pretty much everything I have to say on every subject you can imagine. And she's still my friend.

Home is where all my dreams begin, and the place I will always come back to.

It's where I can laugh well beyond the point of decency, without feeling like I should really get it together because people are starting to look.

Home is where I work through the difficult times; where I can voice my fears and gather the courage to face them.

At the end of the day,

Home is where I want to be.

Glee!

I just finished watching the pilot episode of Glee.
It's amazing. There is no way I should be this excited about a television show, but it's like a Broadway production, summer movie, and great TV all rolled into one.
Seriously, after one episode I would buy the series on DVD.
I just wanted to share that.
Because it's awesome. And every Wednesday night from now until Spring, you know where to find me.
Now, on to more important things.

Faded

The overhead sun was bright

washing out the color

of a normally vibrant

riverbank.

I was liquefying

amazed at the heat

of this September

afternoon.

You Look Like A...

Roommate (observing my green shirt and brown pants): You kind of look like a bean sprout. But in a good way.

look up.

on a day crowned with blue skies

and puffy clouds

lay yourself down

beneath the branches of a large tree

and look up.

watch the world turn slowly above you

feel the grass cool and soft beneath you

breathe in the silence

and

just be.

Whispered Prayers

an email is sent. please pray for this little boy - he has cancer.
around the world whispered prayers are offered up from
cubicles and kitchen tables,
classrooms and boardrooms.
simple words from strangers.
please don't let him die.
then "forward" and the message continues on.

Everywhere You Look

I've started to carry my camera with me all the time. This causes me to slow down, to look around, and really see the city around me. Here's what I saw today.

From the park bench where I sat, reading, during the noon hour.

On my way back to work.

Walking to the bike shop after work.

People You Should Know 08.30.2009

I would like to take this time to introduce you to the people on my blogroll. Some of them are friends and family. Some are strangers whose lives I feel suspiciously familiar with, in that internet kind of way.

Family & Friends
roses in my heart - my friend Sherri. Makes beautiful cards and other paper crafts.
the angry turtle - my friend Coralee. Amazing sewing talent.
the prairie penguin - my sister. Family blogger. Incredible mom to 3 incredible kids.


Writers & Other Artsy Folk
kelly rae roberts - mixed media artist & writer. Author of Taking Flight.
schmutzie - Regina writer. One of the best Saskatchewan blogs I've come across.
superhero journal - friend of kelly rae. Writer. One of the founders of the Mondo Beyondo e-course.

These people inspire me. I read their words for encouragement, challenge, affirmation, and entertainment. If you have a minute, you should check them out.

A Saturday in Pictures

Sunset, downtown

Under the Broadway Bridge

Flowers, down by Prairie Fare at River Landing

Strawberries fresh from the garden

Cheap Seat Review: Public Enemies

Public Enemies, with Johnny Depp and Christian Bale, is a mediocre film. I'm a fan of both actors, and this wasn't either's best performance. Bale in particular seemed like he was reading straight from the script, and I didn't buy his performance until the last scene.

For the better part of the movie, the actors worked with a backdrop of silence. A soundtrack engages emotions and heightens dramatic moments. As it was, I didn't connect with the characters until the final five minutes, when they cued the music. It was too little, too late. I'd already spent two and a half hours trying to care about Dillinger and his ilk.

There were some misleading scenes, as well. I got the impression that it was during this time, 1930-35, that the FBI was formed and that John Dillinger's nationwide spree of bank robberies was a catalyst. He was one of their high-profile captures, and the statewide police force was renamed to the current FBI (formerly known as just the Bureau of Investigation) during this time. However, the two are not quite as closely linked as the movie would have you believe.

The bank robberies were unimpressive. Men with guns enter banks, force the manager to open the safe, stuff canvas bags with money, then drive away with guns blazing. Same thing every time. According to Wikipedia, Dillinger was actually quiet creative with his methods of monetary accumulation.

All in all, it wasn't a terrible movie, but you can probably find a better one.

Rating: Save It

Picnic on a Wednesday Afternoon

An unseasonably warm day + family + picnic lunch = one sweet summer moment

Reaching

I love photographing trees.

They are filled with movement and life;

they are the keepers of secrets.

The Writer's Ego

Sitting at the kitchen table eating supper.
Reading The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging.
Come across the section about blog awards.
Read about The Webby Awards - "Winners must limit their acceptance speech to five words."
Immediately compose acceptance speech.

I Take Pictures, Too

I'm in the process of labelling all my posts, and have added a list of said labels in the column to your right. Most notably, I've imported my photo blog from a few years back, and you can easily have a look through my work by clicking on the photography label.
A note to my faithful friends and family who've been reading this blog for years - you've probably seen all of these photos but feel free to check them out again.

Cheers!

Wise Beyond Her Years

My niece, modelling her mom's glasses.

July 2006

Found this picture while looking for something else, and my goodness isn't she cute!

Flat

There goes my afternoon bike ride.

When All You Have is Attitude

Sooner or later we all end up in situations not of our choosing. There are jobs to be done that just won't go away and difficulties to be dealt with that we don't want to face. It's all very overwhelming.

But if your only choice is sink or swim, here are 4 things I re-learned this past week that might help you keep your head above the water.

1. If you've done it before and it was a struggle even then, don't focus on the struggle, focus on the fact that you've done it before. And survived. Because here you are telling your story.

2. However you've imagined the scene will play out, it's probably worse in your mind than in reality. Don't handicap yourself with premature negative thoughts.

3. Zoom in. When you've decided to take it day by day and you're still overwhelmed, focus on the individual moments that make up the day. Deal with whatever is immediately in front of you. One step at a time, and eventually you'll get it all done. (Not unlike running a race.)

4. If all you've got left is attitude, use it! Sometimes the only control you have over a situation is how you're going to handle it. Choose to handle it graciously, and look for something you can take away from the experience. You might learn that you're stronger than you thought. You might discover hidden abilities that will serve you well in the future. Or you might learn that you never, ever, want to end up in this kind of situation again, and that is valuable too.

So here's to you, graciously making your way through the difficult days.

So You Want To Be A Runner

So you've decided to start running? Congratulations! You won't regret it. Most of the runners I know are positive, happy people. There are some things you should know, though.

The first few days, maybe even a week or two, will be wonderful. They will be challenging days, but filled as you are with such enthusiasm and excitement it won't be difficult to convince you to go for your regular run.

There will come a time shortly after this initial burst of enthusiasm when it will get really hard. You will want to quit. You will tell your running buddy that it's too much work, you're not getting any faster, and why is it so hard to run?! You decide that running isn't your thing.

Stick with it. Your time is coming.

The months will pass and soon you'll be able to run 20, 30 minutes at a time. Oh glorious running! This is what it's all about. When you can legitimately go out for a run, and do nothing but run - no walking for me, you'll say.

Then your running buddy will suggest you enter a race. Sounds like fun! T-shirts and medals and goodie bags at the end. You might start with a 5K, or a 10K if you're ambitious. You'll become addicted to the incredible feeling of standing at the start line, covered in anticipation. Mere hours after finishing your first race, you'll start looking for the next one.

Then you'll begin to consider what you once thought ridiculous, crazy, and impossible. Running a marathon. You'll think about this for awhile, but then common sense will kick in and you'll admit that you should probably start with a half-marathon.

One of your colleagues will give you a training schedule. You'll be amazed at how many people in your office are runners. Just like you! You'll start talking about running all the time, even when no one is asking.

"What's up for the weekend?" they'll ask.

You start with "Oh I've got a long run on Sunday" and then proceed to tell them about how your training is coming along, how you ran a new PR (personal record - it's important to learn the lingo) the other day, and how you've been experimenting with various gels and energy bars during your longer training sessions.

You won't notice when their eyes glaze over and a distinct air of disinterest enters the space between you. It doesn't matter. Because you love running. And talking about running.

You'll sign up for a subscription to Runner's World, because now when you're not running, or talking about running, you can read about it! Yay!

You'll complete your first half-marathon and swear off running forever.
Because it was hard. Very hard.
Two days later, you will sign up for another race.

You'll run a few races, getting faster with each one, until you get lazy and slack off on the training. Then you'll run your slowest race yet, but you'll say it's ok, because you were just doing that one for fun anyway.

Even though you know you're destined to be a middle-of-the-pack runner, you'll get a bit discouraged when you read about the guy who's not really a runner but who decided to do a race just for fun, and ran it 30 minutes faster that your fastest time. Or the friend who, in her first marathon, accidentally qualified for the Boston Marathon. Really? I don't think so.

Never mind them. Running is about you. Unless you're an Olympic athlete, there will always be people faster than you. And even the Olympians don't get the gold every time. So remember to run your own race.

You'll reach a point where you start to falter, and the joy of running seems like a distant memory. You've conquered the distance goals you set for yourself, but lack the gumption to press on to greater heights. Or lengths, as the case may be.

When this happens, there are a few things you can do.

Quit training and just start running again. For fun. Without a watch or a GPS. Run freely, with no strings attached.

Find something new to work on. Maybe you've always just plodded along, but now you want to work on speed, or become a master hill runner.

If you're a road runner, take to the trails and learn some technical running.

Or just take a break. Because every now and then you need some time apart from your beloved running to appreciate it again.

And you will come back to it.

Because deep down you know what you've become. No matter how fast or slow you are, no matter how far you can run. Miles logged, medals earned, and negative splits are only part of the story. Whether you're knee-deep in training or taking a breather, nothing can change the fact that you are now a runner.

Welcome to the club.

Vacation Thoughts

My two glorious weeks of summer holidays drew to a close today. It was a much-needed break from routine, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. Except perhaps the 90 minutes or so that I spent watching Year One. But I digress.

In the past 16 days, I've started to regain some perspective on the future. My life has been somewhat static for a long time. Contemplating any sort of change, be it personal, relational, or professional produced feelings of uncertainty and anxiety at first. I can see now, though, that there are always options; that the future is still unwritten and it's time to pull out those dreams and ambitions I'd almost forgotten about.

Every day for the past two weeks I've worked on projects that I love. I'm learning more about social media and all the wonderful ways I can connect with talented, inspiring people online. I'm learning about writing, and have enjoyed practicing almost daily here on my blog. (Thank you to those who have left encouraging comments. You have no idea how happy I am to hear from you!) I've discovered amazing websites and blogs, like the one by a Regina writer who goes by the nickname Schmutzie.

I've realized how important it is to acknowledge your dreams, and not accept the notion that where you are right now is where you have to stay. We all have ideas about what our lives might look like, if we could custom-design them. It's up to us to pursue those dreams.

I'm learning to think proactively instead of passively. Just now I typed a sentence with the phrase, "where your dreams might take you," but sometimes you have to take hold of your dreams and go with them where you will.

With these thoughts in mind I look forward to going back to work tomorrow and exploring a future that's expanding in front of me.

My Grandma's Handwriting

(note: I wrote this post awhile back, but needed to give it some time before I could let it go.)

In the course of tidying up the bookshelves in my bedroom today, I pulled down an old cookbook that belonged to my grandma. It's titled The Mennonite Treasury of Recipes. Coil-bound with yellowing pages, I flipped it open to look for handwritten notes, some extra instructions jotted in the margin perhaps. She was in my thoughts, and because the written word holds a great deal of meaning for me, I wanted to see her words. Even if it was only a notation to cut back on the cooking time.

In the notes area of the Butchering section, I found a handwritten recipe for brine for curing beef roasts. I read it through, considering her handwriting more than the instructions she penned. She wrote with flourishes, which surprised me because she was such a practical woman. I think I expected some no-nonsense script - a spartan use of ink and effort.

I realized that there is so much I never knew about my grandma. I wish I could go back and ask her to tell me stories. And to give her one more hug. She always hugged me so tightly, squishing my glasses against her cheek.

Every now and then when the family was visiting, she would catch my eye and give me a knowing look, and even if I don't know exactly what it was she was sharing, it was a special moment between the two of us.

She's been gone for many years now, and I think of her often when I use the kitchen items that formerly occupied her cupboards. Although I may not have known every side of her, I recall with a smile the woman I did know.

And sometimes, like today, I really miss her.