On Vulnerability

Telling the truth is hard. Mostly, I think, because we don't know the full extent of the truth about ourselves. It's easier to go through life tending to the daily necessities than to sit down and confront ourselves. It's easier to go to work, get the groceries, do the laundry, clean the house and then fall into bed, than it is to be still and honest with ourselves.

I thought I was pretty good at telling the truth. I love conversation and have shared many evenings talking with friends about life and purpose and meaning.

Then I went to an all day writing workshop and discovered there are many levels of truth, and I was living in the top few. I wasn't strictly a surface dweller, but there were things I discovered that surprised me. We did several free-writing exercises, where you're given a topic and you start writing and don't stop until your allotted time is up. It would often start out completely innocuous, as I wrote about the minutiae of the day, sometimes just writing about the sound of the other writers scratching away in their journals. Then my mind would take a dive and go somewhere unexpected. Sometimes I kept writing, and sometimes I just didn't have the courage. Afterwards, we would share what we'd written, and I would be completely blown away by the truth that had found it's way out. And I respected and admired those that broke open their souls and shared their true selves. And I wanted to share just a little bit more, but wasn't quite ready.

I don't mean to suggest I have some dark, hidden secret that needs confessing. It's more pedestrian than that. It's the little disappointments that turn into big deals and bother us more than we let on. It's the fears that keep us from growing and trying new things, although we have another explanation for not being involved.

I'm drawn to those writers that embrace vulnerability; that share the good, the bad, and the things hoped for but not yet seen. I will get there, in time, but it's definitely going to be a process. If I were writing anonymously it would be so much easier! I know,though, that there are friends and family and co-workers who happen by this blog every now and then. And some of those very wonderful people have a habit of commenting about what I've written, and I need to be able to own up to my confessions in real life.

I don't think I'll ever write some big tell-all post (mostly because there's no big "tell-all" secret) but I am going to try to continue growing in the area of truth-telling, one blog post at a time.

So I think I'm good for today then.

If you're looking for more, may I suggest visiting one of the following blogs:

http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/ - I laughed, I cried, and then I went through a lot of kleenex. Seriously? Don't read this one in a public place, because sooner or later you'll get to a post about her son Matthew, and then you may fall apart a little. She is a woman who went through hell, managed to find her way back, and now has the courage to write about it.

http://inkonmyfingers.typepad.com/ - Beautiful writing and photography. Not quite as raw as the one above.

look up.

on a day crowned with blue skies

and puffy clouds

lay yourself down

beneath the branches of a large tree

and look up.

watch the world turn slowly above you

feel the grass cool and soft beneath you

breathe in the silence

and

just be.

The Writer's Ego

Sitting at the kitchen table eating supper.
Reading The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging.
Come across the section about blog awards.
Read about The Webby Awards - "Winners must limit their acceptance speech to five words."
Immediately compose acceptance speech.

Confronted With The Truth

I had the privilege of attending an all-day writing workshop today with my poetry group. I wasn't really looking forward to it, because I was tired and I wondered how we could possibly fill 6 hours with writing.
I am so glad I went.
The day turned out to be so much more than I expected. It was challenging, inspiring, and at some points rather emotional.
Lynda Monahan led the workshop, and focused on writing bravely and honestly, with courage. It might seem obvious that one should always write the truth, but if you sit down with pen and paper, you will find that it is a lot harder than it sounds. We went through a series of exercises designed to help us dig deeper into ourselves and find the stories that we really wanted to tell but were afraid to, for one reason or another.
Sometimes we don't write because we're afraid of hurting or offending someone; sometimes it's just too painful to deal with past hurts and losses; sometimes it's a matter of not wanting to admit the truth to ourselves. There are myriad reasons for not being still and getting the truth out onto the page.
I was blown away by the level of honesty in some people's writing, the way they laid themselves bare and faced incredibly difficult issues head on. (Part of the exercises was reading what we'd written to the group.)
I haven't reached the point of complete openness in my own writing, but I feel like today was a giant push in the right direction.
I feel honored to be a part of this amazing writing group, and blessed to call them my friends.