Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Lightness of Being

(Thoughts from yesterday)

Today started like any other day. Get up, shower, get ready for work, feed the cats, feed myself, a few finishing touches, and out the door to work.
I felt a little scatterbrained for the first little while, running on autopilot as my thoughts bounced around from one thing to the next. And then I started to feel it.

A lightness in my being.
A bounce in my step.
A song in my heart.
A welling up of joy and goodness that threatened to spill over into song if I wasn't careful.

The sun was shining, I was full of ideas, and my blog stats were up. I have a few great books on the go, and the upcoming weekend holds the promise of laughter and fellowship.

In the midst of this happiness, I stopped and whispered a prayer for a family friend who is in the middle of a fierce battle with cancer. A prayer that they would see good days ahead.

When everything is going so very well I get a little bit nervous. I want to revel in this feeling, but at the same time I worry that if I let down my guard and allow myself to be swept away by joy I'll be too vulnerable if and when life takes an unwelcome turn. There's a part of me that seems to believe if I'm constantly cognizant of all that can go wrong, if I acknowledge that this can all change in an instant, then I'll somehow be more prepared when it happens.

I know that isn't true. You can't prepare for bad news.

Knowing this, I shall endeavor to fully celebrate the good times. I want my awareness of the fleeting and fragile nature of life to be a catalyst for greater celebration when life is good. I want to be fully present and allow myself to indulge in happiness. I want to imprint on my memory the smiles and laughter and sense of well-being I experience in those moments.

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