panicky

I can't believe it's already December 7. I know people are always talking about how fast time goes, but I think this is especially true in December. Every year I say I'm going to get all my shopping done early and take the whole month of December to celebrate the season, but here it is, already Dec 7 and my tree still isn't up. I don't have any lights or decorations put out yet, but am determined to get them up sometime between now and the end of Sunday. I have a few presents yet to buy, all of them to wrap, chocolates and cards to make and mail, and oh how I feel stress and panic trying to worm their way into my life.
So here's what I'm going to do. I am going to celebrate Christmas, every day for the next 18 or so days....in one way or another. Tonight I am going to read the Christmas story for the first (but probably not the last) time this month.
Merry Christmas.

Sandi Thom

I discovered a great new artist the other day on the Galaxy music channel - Sandi Thom. I heard her song "I Wish I Was a Punk Rocker" and checked her out on iTunes. I bought the CD today and loved it the very first listen-through.
Awesome.

Driving Lessons

I almost ran myself over with my own car today. True Story.
I parked by the mailboxes, unclicked the part of my keychain that holds my mail key, got out and collected my mail.
Here's where it gets a little dicey.
As I was rounding the front of my car it started driving towards me. That's right. Towards me and also heading towards the huge metal garbage cans. Not even rolling. Driving. I opened the door and jumped in, jamming my foot on the brake, quite heroically I thought. (Although perhaps straining a groin muscle in the process.) Looking down, I realized that I had left the car in drive.
Yes...in drive.
Did I mention it took me three tries to get my driver's license?

It's all in the Adjectives

I was at Nutter's today buying chocolate melts for Nicole and me - it must be Christmas! Because it certainly is Winter. The ruts in the parking lot were, I'm sure, Olympic quality moguls. No kidding.

While at Nutter's I picked up some Real Brew Draft Root Beer, and boy was it good! I used to collect bottles of all sorts (which are now in storage at my parents' house) and I admit I was drawn to this particular beverage because of the description on the bottle:
" A complex flavour of sweet birch, licorice root, sarsaparilla, cinnamon, clove, anise, and wintergreen"
"A draft root beer unlike any other. To give our root beer a subtly rich, creamy flavour, we add pure bourbon vanilla to our recipe"
How could I not pick up a bottle?

I've recently discovered CBC Radio 3 (independent Canadian artists) on the internet, and one of the new songs I heard has been playing in my head ever since. It's by a group called Two Hours Traffic, and the song is "Better Sorry than Safe." It's got me thinking about risk taking, and how sometimes its better to take a chance and have it not work out than to be safe and never risk anything.

If You Are Wise

I was cleaning out my closet tonight when I found a poem I'd long forgotten, by William Arthur Ward. It's quite long so I won't reprint the whole thing, but it's called "If You Are Wise" and there are so many lines that challenge me. The three main themes are

If you are wise...
you will forget yourself into greatness
you will empty yourself into adventure
you will lose yourself into immortality.

Under each of these, the admonition to

Forget your inconveniences, but remember your blessings.
Empty your days of the search for security; fill them with a passion for service.
Lose your cynicism. Lose your doubts. Lose your fears. Lose your anxiety. Lose your unbelief.

Angels Unaware

I went for a walk tonight. It was beautiful out in a winter sort of way. During the last stretch of my walk I happened upon a vast expanse of unbroken snow with a slight crust on top, along the side of a small hill. "Perfect," I thought to myself. Perfect for making a snow angel. After looking around to make sure I had no spectators, I launched myself backwards into the snow and spread my arms. There is something wonderfully pure about playing in the snow, and I thought of my friend Kyla, who would surely approve of snow angels at night.
I lay there for a minute, then slowly got up and admired my handiwork. "It does look a bit like an angel," I thought, and smiled the rest of the way home.

Riding the Bus

For various reasons, I had to take the bus home after work today. Well, I shouldn't say I "had" to, it was more like I "got" to. With my fare money clutched tightly in my mittened hand, I felt like a child again. I noticed the late afternoon sun lighting up the taller buildings, felt the cold wind whip my hair around, felt alive for some reason I can't explain.
The bus driver was friendly, giving us updates on the time and weather over the speakers.
There were 2 ladies with mental disabilities riding near the front who were hilarious. In fact, I think they were the happiest people on the bus. When another bus passed us and the white-haired, smiling driver waved enthusiastically to these 2 ladies, they roared with laughter. They remind me of the lady in the book I'm reading right now entitled "Riding the Bus With My Sister." It's about a woman with cognitive disabilities who has chosen to spend her days riding the city buses where she lives, and for one year her sister decides to join her. Many are the stories of friendly bus drivers and the impact they have on people's lives. Maybe that's why today's ride home was so special - I was riding with an awareness of others and attempting to "tune in" to the bus culture.
Also, I felt connected in a way that just isn't possible sitting alone in traffic in my car.

Music Ministry

I just bought a new CD off of iTunes - The Crane Wife by The Decemberists.
I slipped on my headphones minutes ago and started listening and blogging.
It is music I can lose myself in. Such talent and creativity...
Praise be to God for giving us the gift of music.

Engage the Senses

I want to feel
the wind blowing my hair around
the melted snow running down my forehead
my nose getting red in the cold
the crisp air kissing my cheeks.

I want to indulge in Winter
to fight with it
and make it give something back to me.

I want to bundle up against the cold
go for a walk
and return hot and cold at the same time
refreshed and triumphant .

Light

This morning on my way to work I was just cresting a small hill (I live in Saskatchewan - all we have are small hills) when the clouds parted and the sun shone through with brilliance. The light was this perfect golden/pink morning light, and it made everything beautiful, including all the construction going on. It was like the curtains parted and the light bathed everything in goodness and beauty. For a few seconds I saw things in a different light.
When I got downtown, the bare trees and grey river seemed all the more bleak after my moment of golden light, and I thought about the difference light can make. A construction site - dirty and raw, made beautiful; A riverbank of trees flanking a grand river - dull and dreary.
Then I thought about the difference Light can make in our lives, transforming us from ordinary, worried, wearied, and worn-out people into people of radiant beauty.
And I wonder about the difference Light could make in our city. I wonder about how it could transform individuals, families, neighborhoods.
Every day when I read the paper, when I read about break-ins, stabbings, poverty, and vandalism I wonder what would happen if God's love flooded this city. I wonder what's possible. If God can do more than anything I could ask or imagine...well I can imagine a lot.
And God can do more than that?

Jungle Berries

You've Got Mail

I was looking on the USPS website to try and find out what kind of things can be sent throught the mail, when I discovered something interesting. Apparently you can mail animals, as long as they are not "injurious to human beings, agriculture, horticulture, forestry, wildlife, or the wildlife resources of the United States."

Huh. Mailing animals. Who would've thought.

The Running Around

The Amish are the modern-day Pharisees.

Hmmm...that seems like a judgmental statement doesn't it? Just the word "pharisee" conjures up a picture of hypocritical, self-righteous, excessively pious people; people who love to follow the rules by the letter but totally miss the heart of them.

I may be wrong in my comparison, and I realize it's a bit of a blanket statement that obviously wouldn't apply to all Amish, but I'm reading the book "Rumspringa" by Tom Shachtman and the similarities seemed to jump off the pages.

For instance:

"The unwritten list of them [rules], the ordnung, covers everything from the number of pins that an Amish woman may use to hold together her dress to the directive to defer to men's judgment in all-important matters to what constitutes improper fraternizing with the opposite sex."

They legislate the number of pins used to hold together a dress?!? How can this possibly be important? It seems so similar to all the rules the Pharisees made up, in addition to the moral laws given by God.

One girl remarked that her parents seemed more upset about her wearing jeans than about her going to parties.

Their practice of "Rumspringa" is also very interesting to me. This begins when a person turns 16 and lasts until they decide to be baptized and join the church. Technically the period is "to give youngsters leave and ways to find an appropriate mate. The community's expectation is that, upon completion of the courtship task, a young Amish couple will end their Rumspringa by agreeing to marry and concurrently making the commitment to be baptized."
That's technically what it's for, but many young Amish take the opportunity party wildly, getting drunk, smoking, doing drugs, etc. They go out on Friday, usually with English friends, and do not return home until Sunday night. It seems the attitude among many of the adults is that young people need to "get it all out of their system" before they can settle down to the traditional Amish life. Technically, because they haven't been baptized, they are not subject to the rules yet, and so this is all ok.
The letter of the law not the heart - go be wild because you haven't been baptized yet, but tomorrow when you are baptized, those things will be wrong.
Of course, not all young Amish behave this way - a lot simply go out with friends and enjoy some time away from their parents, having fun but not seeing the need to engage in rebellious behavior.
So, I don't know, maybe for some of them they need to try everything before they can make the decision to join the church. I understand that they want their youth to come to the church of their own free will, but perhaps the choice would not be so difficult if their rules were not so stringent.
I guess they are probably just trying to keep the world out of their lives, and maybe having a list of rules makes it easier for them. Keeping things black and white, allowing no "grey" areas, makes it easier to see if you're on the right path - you can check off the do's and don'ts and see how you're doing. There are no difficult decisions to make because the Order has already established a rule for just about every behavior.
I imagine the more I read the more I will learn about the "why" behind their way of life and there will be good things to it as well.

Jazz Pictures

"Often the photos were scratchy, the only copy of an image fixed near the
beginning of the twentieth century - but they contained such power. Today, of
course, images are reproduced digitally ad infinitum, and we are drowning in
them; they have in many ways lost their value...But these older images were
powerful and unique, often showing fold marks or tears; they had been smuggled
out of the past as if containing an important message that the past wanted us to
know. Whoever had held onto them had wanted them to endure. "

- "Why New Orleans is Important" The author is referring to old black and while photos of jazz musicians in the city.

This is what I desire in my photography. I want my pictures to be powerful and unique. I want them to mean something, somehow, 20 or 50 years from now. Together they tell a story of what I see, and how I see.

Falling Meditation

I had a wonderful lunch hour last week. It was, I think, the last really warm day of Fall and I spent it in Kiwanis park down by the river. I sat in the sun and read until I got too warm (imagine!) and then moved to a bench under one of my favorite trees. The sun was hot, the sky clear, and the leaves were positively golden. The breeze was so slight, just enough to stir the leaves and send them on their way.

And so I sat, watching the leaves dance through the air, thankful for everything God has given me; content just to be.

Ethereal

Literary Pull

So I've just about finished the last book that I took out of the library and had decided to read one of my own, but there were several on the "new book" shelf at the library that were calling my name, and I came home with 4 more books to read (all non-fiction). They are about donuts, New Orleans, Springtime, and starvation. Should make for some interesting and diverse reading.

Speedy Gonzales

Isabelle (my cat) can run a lot faster than I can.

It's one thing for me to know this, but something else entirely to have it witnessed by a stranger walking down the street.

That would be me tonight, running full tilt with Isabelle 15 feet in front of me, (the length of her lead) my arm stretched to the max while I try to keep up with her over grass and sidewalk, weaving around parked cars, and trying not to run into the above-mentioned stranger.

The thought of what we must have looked like (cat running as if from a house on fire, owner madly flapping along after her) made me smile. Even more so because I was wearing my biggest, fluffiest winter coat and my cheap-o earmuffs that stand out from my head a little but sure do keep my ears warm.

Leaving Soon

Haute Cuisine?

So I've finished reading The Scavenger's Guide to Haute Cuisine, albeit not while I was eating. For one year the author hunted, fished, caught, and otherwise scavenged for enough animals/fish/birds/creatures to create a 48 course meal from an old cookbook that he'd found (Le Guide Culinaire). He invited a bunch of friends to sample his creations via a Thanksgiving feast.
And what a feast it was...

wild boar headcheese
duck soup
turtle soup
crayfish mousse
souffle of goose liver and pheasant
pate of brandy-marinated cottontail rabbit and salted black bear fat
elk heart with bechamel sauce
tongue of wild boar with sauerkraut

These were just a few of the courses on the menu. Now, granted, I haven't tried any of these dishes and so cannot say that I wouldn't like them, but the mere thought of them just about gave me an upset stomach. I had to put the book down on numerous occasions when I was eating. (Yes, I read while I eat.) So, it was an interesting journey, and while I learned a lot about hunting and the journey food takes to get from "the wild" to my dinner plate, I think I'll stick with my white-meat turkey sandwiches for a little while longer.

Stumped

a walk in the woods

that's just not true

I've been reading a lot of non-fiction lately, and am starting to feel like reading a really good novel. So I've been looking for one at the library, (not sure what's wrong with the ones on my shelf at home...in fact I think I even have a couple of them started) and I'm finding that most fiction is so...well...false. So many writers write with so much detail that just isn't found in non-fiction that their novels immediately flash "fiction" with a bright neon sign. So I decided to look for a fiction book that isn't trying to be real. And I think I found one - JPod by Douglas Coupland. I read the first chapter (really short) at the library and decided to check it out. Well, I actually read the first few pages before chapter one, and that's when I decided to check out the book. On the page where the dedication usually is is the quote "Winners don't do drugs" by the director of the FBI. Then there are a few pages of words that I don't really understand the significance of, followed by 2 pages of really small stream-of-conscious writing, one page of dollar signs, finished off with a page of the words "ramen noodles" repeated over and over. It was the ramen noodles that sold me. [aside: my sister asked me recently how I choose the books I read and, well, that there is a pretty accurate description. Either the title or the cover art will draw me in, and then I'll read the first couple of pages and see if it hooks me. Pretty rare that a book will get me before chapter one, so I'm expecting this to be good.]

Now I just need the discipline to finish the (non-fiction) books I've already started...

Still Life with Chickens
The Coroner's Journal
The Scavenger's Guide to Haute Cuisine

Sensation

Isn't it funny how all of a sudden you can be aware of a sensation that you've probably felt a million times but never really noticed before? Like today, I suddenly noticed how sticky my lips get after eating an apple. Weird.

On a completely different note, I discovered (via Billboard magazine. I think. It could have also been Wired magazine) a cool site featuring music reviews, downloads, news, etc. It's called Pitchfork.

spaces

I like spaces in my life; spaces more than scheduling. Tonight was a perfect night in that respect. There was time to watch "House" on TV, time for laundry, time for reading, time for a bath, time for a bit of blogging. And spaces in between.

Windows

I'm reading a fascinating book right now called The Boy Who Loved Windows. It's about a child threatened with autism, and how his family worked to draw him out of his world and into ours.

What an incredible thing the mind is when it works properly, and what a scary thing it can be when it malfunctions even slightly. Reading this book has given me a fresh perspective on "reality" and how that differs for everyone. My perception of the world is unique to me, and is shaped by my experiences and my genetic makeup. Somehow this makes the world around me seem more ethereal, less defined. And, as the physical becomes tenuous, the spiritual world develops substance. Meeting in the middle, they now form a world redefined, one not subject to my presumptions.

Traveling

I would like to do some traveling, and these are the places I would like to see (for various reasons):

1. Wewahitchka, Florida. Particularly Smiley Apiaries.
2. Fairhope, Alabama. I would especially like to see Henry Stuart's house.
3. Savannah, Georgia. Especially the Mercer House.
4. Venice, Italy. I would really like to see some of Archimede Seguso's glassworks, and the ruins of the Fenice Opera House.

Two Thoughts Circling

I was talking with my sister yesterday about a book she's reading called "Waking the Dead," by John Eldridge. In one part Eldridge is talking about the eternal life we inherit when we become Christians, and he suggests that it is not something separate and different from the life we live right not, but merely a continuation.

Merely a continuation...

This, right here, right now, is the start of my eternal life. This is a HUGE thought for me...and one that's hard to hang onto throughout the day, but whenever it crosses my mind, I want to do things differently than how I am doing them presently.

What does this mean for me, if this very moment is part of my eternal life?

---

I watched a movie last night called "The Butterfly Effect." The movie is based on the idea that when a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the world, it can cause a tornado on the other side - that is, all things are connected. The main character in the movie realizes that he can go back in time and change things, and so he does - but with terrible consequences. In seeking to right one wrong, he brings about other disastrous events.

Made me think about all the "what if's" in my life; about how one thing leads to another, and how our lives are put together one decision at a time.

This movie made me glad that we do not have the power to go back and change things, to play God, because we don't know everything. It made me think about the fact that there is an outcome to every decision we make, even if we won't see it for years, even if the decision seems small and inconsequential.

Music Found

Here's a great website that distributes indie music from the lesser-known greats:

www.cdbaby.com

And here is the link to a cool internet radio station that's run by a guy from the Polyjesters (from Alberta), and features bands that they've met on the road (read: good local-ish music!):

www.kitchenradio.ca

One note about the radio station though, is that I can only get it to play using itunes, and not window media player, so...just so you know.

simply said

"Without goodbyes, hellos wouldn't be so beautiful."

- from "There is Light" by Coco Love

Frost

Casting Crowns

I've been challenged by several songs on the Casting Crowns CD lately. (The old one.) Challenged, and moved to tears sometimes.

From "Here I go Again":

So maybe this time
I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear
is tearin' at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain
And mullin' over things
that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance
to tell him that You love Him

and...

But how then will he know
What he has never heard?
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

So many times I find myself talking about things that just don't matter; things that won't live past today. And I wonder at my inability to talk about what's truly important.

From "If We are the Body":

Jesus paid much too high a price
for us to pick and choose who should come
and we are the Body of Christ.

True - the Gospel is for all people - not just those we deem worthy.

And finally, from "The Voice of Truth": (this one needs no explanation, for it's exactly how I feel)

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
on to the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again.
"Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth
tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth
says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth
says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices
calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
the Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again.
"Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth
tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says,
"Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says,
"This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
the Voice of Truth

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

I'm not normally much of an outdoors person in Winter, but today I wanted to take some pictures of the frosty trees to send to my sponsor child who lives in Honduras. (Reasonably thinking that he's probably never seen snow.)
So away I went, (to Lakeview Park because there are no trees in my immediate neighborhood). And it was wonderful. My legs and fingers slowly numbing from the cold, my pantlegs wet from trudging through snow off the beaten (shoveled) path, my ears toasty warm thanks to my uber-fashionable earmuffs, and my appreciation of nature duly restored. (Isn't it wonderful that my appreciation of nature can be restored in the middle of a city?) So I took my pictures, close ups and "group shots" if you will, of the beautiful frost-laden trees. And heading back to my car, only one thought was in my mind - Winter is so beautiful. Clean. Crisp. Pure. Wonderful. Praise God for seasons.
Okay maybe there were two thoughts occupying my grey matter. The other was that I am a bit of a details person. Most of the shots I took today were close-ups, the frosty designs of nature. I was reminded of the saying, "God is in the details" and I think sometimes that's right. A panorama of frozen trees is beautiful, but up close it's unbelievable. Snow fallen in such intricate patterns you just know it isn't a totally random act.
And with that thought, I was homeward bound.
[Climbing back into my car, I realized that somewhere along the way I had broken my jacket zipper and was now stuck with my coat up around my ears. Oh well. One paperclip later and I was spared having to live out my days in Board Dokter fashion.]
Here's wishing you a wondrous winter day, filled with frosty delights.

Grace Awakening

I'm reading about grace right now, in Philip Yancey's book, "What's so Amazing About Grace?", and discovering that EVERYTHING about grace is amazing. From the depth of God's grace to the sheer lack of it in myself.
Particularly when I'm driving. One of my pet peeves is when one lane of traffic is closed off for construction, and there are signs announcing this fact several kilometers in advance, AND STILL people speed along in the soon-to-be-closed lane and expect to be let in at the very last minute. I want to shout at them, "don't you know that YOU'RE the one holding up traffic, because people have to stop and let you in?!? If you'd just get in line like everybody else, we could all get where we're going a lot faster!" My main thought being, you don't deserve to be let in if you don't want to follow the rules. Not too much grace there.
Not when

"...in the realm of grace the word deserve does not even apply." (pg 62)

Hmmm...the word deserve does not even apply. This rails against everything in me. And, I think, most people. We get angry when someone gets less jail time than they deserve for committing a crime. Most people think they deserve to get paid more, or have a big house, fancy car, and exotic vacations. Think about the McDonald's slogan "you deserve a break today." What does that say? You've worked hard - you deserve a rest. Sure, I have no problem with that. I have no problem with people getting what they deserve. It's when they get more or less than they deserve that I start thinking "that's not fair!" (And how should I know what they deserve anyway? But that's a whole different blog...) Kind of like Jesus' parable about the workers who all received the same pay, even though some worked 12 hours and some worked only 1.

"They could not accept that their employer had the right to do what he wanted with his money when it meant paying scoundrels twelve times what they deserved." (pg 63, italics mine.)

But God's grace is not about being fair. It's not about earning his rewards, or deserving anything. It's simply about his wanting to give good gifts to all - even those who don't deserve them (in our eyes). But maybe that's the point. When I read the story, I always think that I'm one of the deserving ones, but maybe I'm not. And if I'm not one of the deserving ones, than I should be humbled and thankful, because I don't deserve what I've been given.

And maybe that's the whole point.

Lend a Helping Hand

Philip Yancey is fast becoming one of my favorite authors. I am currently reading "In the Likeness of God" which is co-written by Dr. Paul Brand. Dr. Brand was a leading leprosy doctor, and he uses his tremendous insight into how the body works to explain how the Body of Christ (the church) should work. While every chapter has given me pause, there is one story in particular that has stuck with me.
It is the story of a Frenchman named Abbe Pierre. He was a Catholic friar assigned to work among the beggars after World War II. As help was slow in coming, and most people were not interested in the plight of the beggars, he set about showing them how to do their tasks better. Then he led them to build a warehouse and start a business. "Finally, Pierre inspired each beggar by giving him responsibility to help another beggar poorer than himself...After years of this work in Paris, there were no beggars left in that French city."

Can you imagine the impact in our own city if each person set out to help someone poorer than themselves?

But get this - Pierre came to see Dr. Brand at his leprosy hospital in India because he had a problem:

" 'I must find somebody for my beggars to help!' he declared and had begun searching in other places around the world. It was during one of those trips that he had come to Vellore. He concluded by describing his dilemma. 'If I don't find people worse off than my beggars, this movement could turn inward. They'll become a powerful, rich organization and the whole spiritual impact will be lost! They'll have no one to serve.' "

Lyrical Musings

I've been pondering the following lyric from the new Switchfoot album...

"The shadow proves the sunshine"

from the song of the same title.

---

Also thinking about the following...

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life; you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
That right here, right now
You're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome to wherever you are

Be who you want to be
Be who you are
Everyone's a hero
Everyone's a star
When you want to give up and you heart's about to break
Remember that you're perfect; God makes no mistakes

Snowbirds

Animals

At the end of a long day, I like coming home to my cat. Sometimes animals are so easy to be with compared to people. There are no politics to deal with. You feed them and play with them, and they love you. Simple as that.

Bloom

Little Princess

Contemplating

I like listening to music in my car. It provides the perfect environment for really listening. There is nothing else you need to be doing, aside from driving of course. You can't really do this at home, where it's hard to justify sitting on the couch doing nothing but listening to music for 1/2 an hour.
Lately I've had a worship CD playing in my car, and there's one song that's been cycling through my head over and over. It's a remake of a classic, called The Wonderful Cross. (Which is a bit of an oxymoron to me - but that's a whole other line of thought.)
The verse that I've been contemplating is this:

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

I wish I could somehow insert the track here, so that you could hear it, because it's so much more powerful than just reading the words. But nevertheless, it's the words that have captured my thoughts...

Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all

In the Know

"For I know the plans I have for you..."

Of course God knows the plans He has for you, but don't you wish sometimes that you knew the plans as well? I feel as though I am coming to the point of knowing...

More on this in the days to come.

Lobelia

Timepiece

Running

lacing up my shoes

perfect fit

anticipation

warm sun and cool breeze

legs pumping

lungs working

possibilities

everything is possible

everything is positive

exertion

and accomplishment

Good, Not Safe

Throughout the summer, Pastor Brad has been doing a series in church called "Got Wisdom?" and it has been fantastic. I don't typically take notes of the whole sermon because the complete text is posted online on our church's website (www.lakeviewchurch.com). I do, however, write down thoughts that stand out to me, that I want to take home and digest. As I was rummaging through my purse this last week I found a crumpled up bulletin from a couple of weeks ago, and the thought I'd written down jumped out at me and has been floating around in my head ever since.

"God is not safe, but he is good."

The sermon was based on the fear of God being the beginning of wisdom, and one of Brad's points was why we should fear God. That being - because he is not safe. When you look around at all that God is doing and has done, safety does not seem to be His main priority. But because he is also good, we can trust Him implicitly.

Not safe...but good.

Reflection

urban landscape

Winston's

geranium

Web Preserved

(I didn't take the original photo, but merely modified it)

Goldenweb

(I didn't take the original photo, but merely modified it)

...And if You Swallow One?

So...West Nile hey? I've tried to avoid mosquito bites as much as possible, but can you get West Nile from swallowing a mosquito? Say, if you were walking down the street and you had the (rather gross) misfortune of having one fly into your mouth and down your throat?
Just wondering...

2nd Avenue Sidewalk Sale

Today was the first day of the 2nd Ave Sidewalk Sale. I took my lunch hour to peruse the goods displayed all along 2nd Avenue, basking in the sunshine while meandering from booth to booth. I love street fairs. The sun, the music, the aroma of street meat...and the deals.
I found The Neverending Story on VHS. This was one of my all-time favorite movies as a kid, and I'm looking forward to watching it again. I'm sure it will be completely different from what I remember, as most things are when you experience them again as an adult. But nevertheless, you can't go too wrong with a $5 movie.
Also, I found a store selling used books for $1-$5, so I picked up a few. One of them was bought (almost) purely for name's sake - The Frumious Bandersnatch. Now if that doesn't peak your interest...

And that is how I enjoyed my lunch hour today.

Worlds Apart

I'm reading a book right now called "Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson."

The other night I watched an episode of the new reality show "Who Wants to be a Hilton."

What a difference between these two!

The Hilton show is all about how to fit in in high society - how to act, what to wear, what to say. In a word - superficial. And the book is about what becomes important to a man when he is preparing for death. While there are so many ideas in the book to stop and make you think, I'll offer this latest one that I read today because it is such a contradiction to the Hilton tv show.

"We've got a form of brainwashing going on in our country...do you know how they brainwash people? They repeat something over and over. And that's what we do in this country. Owning things is good. More money is good. More property is good. More commercialism is good. More is good. More is good. We repeat it - and have it repeated to us - over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise. The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what's really important anymore."

As aptly shown on tv. And in magazines. And every form of media really. So what do we do with this then?

"You have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it. Create your own."

I love that line.

And with that unfinished thought, I'll head off to bed, and hopefully write more tomorrow.

My Heart Will Choose to Say

We sang this song in church this past Sunday, and it's still echoing in my head. It's a simple song, but the more I think about what it means, the more meaning it takes on.

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in , Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me
When the world's "all as it should be"
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord blessed be Your name

Just be a Tourist

I did a little walking downtown today. I needed to pick up an attachment for my vacuum and thought it would be easier to walk than to find parking. (As it turns out it was quite a bit further than I thought, and I could have found parking, but then I would have missed this moment.) Eventually I arrived at the vacuum store and found and paid for the part. Then I was offered a cookie. That's right - a homemade cookie. That would be a first I think; being offered homebaked goodies in a vacuum store. Or any store for that matter. Now I have to admit that upon hearing the offer of a cookie, my first thought was, "don't take candy from strangers" and close on the heels of that was "but she's probably not going to poison her customers." So I took the cookie. And it was good. And then I had my moment.

I was walking back to work, the sun was shining brilliantly, and I felt for a brief moment like a tourist walking through the downtown of an unknown city. This is a wonderful feeling. You have no pre-conceived notions about anything, and everything is interesting. I had the desire to peek in little shops I'd never been in, and perhaps try the little Chinese food restaurant on the corner. I admired the old buildings, window shopped a little, and hoped that I would make the time to come back downtown one day this summer and just be a tourist.

The Artist

I was recently in Victoria, BC for a weekend, and I had the chance to wander around downtown, going here and there and wherever my heart desired. I happened upon a craft market that stretched for several blocks, and was filled with an amazing assortment of crafts, artwork, jewelry, soaps, woodwork, gadgets, books, and just about anything a person could think of. It was all very good quality, and I had the fortune of speaking with some of the people selling their wares. While they were all very interesting, one in particular stood out to me. He is a Metis artist who rendered some of the best pencil drawings I have ever seen. The detail and life in the pictures at first had me believing they were photos. Upon closer inspection I could see that they were indeed drawings. The artist was quite a quiet man, and was drawing a new picture as he sat by his kiosk. He spoke fondly of the people in his pictures, both those historical figures and those still alive. I regret not having bought a picture, and if I am ever back in Victoria I hope that he will be there again, selling his art.

Sunday

As the weekend is almost officially over, I now pronounce it good. I went to bed early Friday night, and woke up early Saturday morning. I ate my breakfast on the balcony, enjoying the sunshine and happily chirping birds. What a great way to start a productive day. I saw the Broadway production "Grease" in the evening, which was good. Not spectacular, but good.
And then came Sunday.
Today was a great day. Church was awesome - the service was done entirely by the kids. They sang, and acted, and ushered and put on a wonderful production of "Cool in the Furnace" - the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Then I went to Mom and Dad's for Mother's Day, and had a wonderful afternoon. The highlight of my weekend may well have been flying paper airplanes in the backyard with my nephew. The evening was calm and the temperature moderate - that perfect "not-so-hot-and-not-so-cold" in between temperature.
And now it's time for bed, and so another week begins...

Stop and Take Notice

Note to self: When you happen across a good quote in a book, write it down so that later you don't have to go and re-check the book out of the library and spend hours (or what seemed like it) flipping page by page through the book to find it again. Because once you think about the quote, and the fact that you forgot to write it down, then you must go and find it. Or maybe that's just me. Most probably the latter.

So here's the quote I had just about given up finding. It's not even so much a "quote" as it is a thought that popped out from the page; a thought that struck a chord; that made me want to remember it.

"One thing that leads a person to poetry is an inner life of some activity - often even turbulence. There is a weight of emotion, a burden of feeling that has to come out."
- from the Vinyl Cafe: Unplugged by Stuart McLean

Mmmmm....Barbecue

I had my first BBQ of the season today. Mmmm...homemade hamburgers.
The day was brilliantly sunny, enough to make me believe that Spring is finally here. It's amazing the anticipation I feel every year at this time; as though I've never experienced Spring before. I guess it just brings with it so much promise. It feels like a new beginning - more so even than the start of a new year. Spring is the time when anything is possible. Sigh...I should go before I break into song...

Happy Springtime!

Welcome to My Salad.

And that is Inspiration

Having another happy moment...tossing together a salad for supper, snacking on Havarti and crackers, listening to Lonestar.

Pausing to photograph the lettuce.

It's all good.

Thoughts Before Bed...

So I've been working out to country music lately. Yoga and Faith Hill. Seems like an odd combination, but it works.

---

I've decided (again) only to read good books. Now that should go without saying, but I'm the kind of person who feels like they need to finish a book once they've started. As if it's the cardinal sin to put down a book half-read knowing that you will never pick it up again. This decision came about while reading "The Roommating Season" by Rona Jaffe. I was incredibly disappointed with it, and read 100 pages before tossing it aside. When a main character suddenly dies and the reader couldn't care less, it's not worth the time. I had previously read (and own) Jaffe's novel "The Road Taken," which was superb. I suppose because it dealt with more serious and somewhat controversial subjects, (if I remember correctly), it held my attention quite easily. It seemed worthwhile.
And so on to the next novel I went, and I'm enjoying this one considerably more. It falls perfectly between the books about nothing, and the ones that steal your emotions and entangle you so completely in their story that you grieve and laugh and live alongside the characters. (I recently finished such a book and will write about it tomorrow.)
For now, though, I will continue reading "The Good People of New York," by Thisbe Nissen, and leave you with this quote from it:

"...she wonders if that's just what growing up is: the process of that space
between you and your self getting bigger and bigger and bigger until one can't
see the other anymore, and you don't remember what it was like to be a kid, or
what it was like to want something so badly that you can't ever imagine not
wanting [it], least of all imagine wanting something and not knowing what that
something is."

The Castle in the City

winter moon

Sunset near Cranberry Flats.

Sunset over the lake.

Kneeling Man

On a Related Note...

Funny thing - when I ran the spell check on my previous entry, "pics" was not in the dictionary, but "boo-yah" was. Huh. Go figure.

I'm Back!

Boo-yah baby! I'm back! Inspired today, for the first time in a long time, to take out my camera and create something. To actually get out my tripod (the joints of which were rather in need of WD-40 since I haven't used it in so long), create, and properly capture my idea. It's so great now that I have a digital camera, because I can take the picture over and over with minor variations to find what I like best.
Anyhow, thanks to my friend for showing me her travels pics today - that just may have been my inspiration!
And of course I should be in bed right now, but that's when I get my best ideas - when I should be doing something else!
Check out the last photo I posted on carmsclicks to see the pic I took tonight.

Wheels

Westminster Abbey, British Columbia

Three Junes

I recently finished reading a fantastic book. Filled with richness and depth, it was a solid novel; weighty. Split into three parts, the first told the father's story; the second told the son's story; and the third told the story of a character introduced in the second part - an outsider almost. It was a story about now, and about the past. About love and families. About trying to figure out where you belong. It reminded me a lot of the musical "Rent". It was filled with a tangible sadness; not the kind that makes you want to cry, that's born of an unfortunate event, but a sadness that life does not always turn out the way you want it to. The kind of emotion that dwells in you; that underlies even the happiest occasion; a companion, of sorts, through all things good and bad. This is not to say it was mirthless. It wasn't one of those books that takes place entirely at night, in the shadows, where it's always raining. There was sunlight and new beginnings; births and friendships; varied scenery and new experiences. And in the end, you walk away knowing that the story isn't really finished, but that's ok, because

"Here we are - despite the delays, the confusion, and the shadows en route
- at last, or for the moment, where we always intended to be."

Light a Match

Now this is what all music sites should be like. You can listen to 4 complete albums, song by song, and access the lyrics for all of them. And they're a great band to boot. Too bad I didn't go and see them the last time they were here.

"...you're laughing out loud at just the thought of being alive..."

tears

Sunsets

I had the priviledge this past week of doing some highway driving during sunset. The first time, I had to drive Nicole out to Perdue to pick up her car, and then drive back by myself. It was the perfect "golden hour" - that time before sunset when the light is rich and warm and absolutely wonderful. Because there is still quite a bit of snow, everything around me was reflecting this perfect light. And then the sunset was spectacular. I love that moment when the clouds are lit from underneath and you can see the pink sunset behind you reflected in the clouds before you. After a somewhat hectic day, it was the perfect calming drive.

A few days later I was driving out to Martensville when I witnessed another wonderful sunset. I used to love that drive into the city before work. The landscape is so wide open, it seemed as though the sky was breaking open each morning, flooding the world with beauty and the promise of another day. What a wonderful way to start out.

"The heavens declare the

glory of God;

the skies proclaim the

work of his hands.

Day after day they pour

forth speech;

night after night they

display knowledge.

There is no speech or

language

where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into

all the earth,

their words to the ends of

the world."

Contemplating

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"O Lord...you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar...you are familiar with all my ways...you created my inmost being...ALL THE DAYS ORDAINED FOR ME WERE WRITTEN IN YOUR BOOK BEFORE ONE OF THEM CAME TO BE..." from Psalm 139

Still thinking about this sermon.

dance

splinter

music

This Guy is so talented, and I am SO EXCITED to see him live on June 8. Check out his website - you can hear 3 of his songs by using the >> arrows in the top right hand corner. (You have to enter the site first.)

Shakespeare: Sonnet 18

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

Color

Feb 27, 2005. Frosty tree as seen from my balcony.

FGBI Football Weekend 1997

Impending Storm

Dreaming

Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

The sermon this past Sunday was about dreams. Not the kind of dreams you have at night, but the dreams people have for their lives. It was the kind of inspirational message that shakes you awake, and reminds you that there is more to life than what you are living right now. Pastor Dean challenged us to take some time to figure out what our dreams are, and then to pursue them. For some people this is easy; they have always had a great, overriding ambition to do a particular thing. For others, like me, it's harder to figure out exactly what your dream might be. Sort of. When I quiet my thoughts, when I still myself, it's like there's this whole other world that opens up to me. And then it seems that my dream is right there in front of me, in caps lock and bold, underlined, with multiple exclamation marks. But that quietness is hard to hold onto. Before long the "real" world crowds back in - there's laundry and other various housework that needs to be done; supper to start; groceries and birthday presents to be bought; decisions to be made. Oh ya and I should probably exercise, too.

But despite all these distractions, I'm trying to take some time this week to be quiet, to think about what kind of dream God has given me. To think about the fact that every person is unique, and has something that they are destined to do. And when I think about it that way; that in the whole scheme of things I have been cast for a very specific part; then it seems pretty important that I figure out what that thing is. Because whatever IT is, it's the reason for my being here. And I just don't want to miss it.

Fall 2004

Scrapbooking

So I decided awhile back that I would start scrapbooking again. I bought an album and some paper and was so excited! That was about 2 months ago. I finally started my album last night. Sort of. My sister invited me to go with her to a local store that offers "Late Night Crop" - they have a room in the back that stays open till midnight, and anyone can come and scrapbook there, using their tools and such. So I dragged Nicole along with me, and off we went. As it turned out, I spent all of my time there wandering the store and picking out paper, trying to formulate my ideas. Nicole made one very nice page, and my sister made 2 or 3.
I think my problem may have been just a little intimidation. It seems there is this whole scrapbooking subculture that I was unaware of. Almost all of the women in the room had these giant scrapbooking-suitcases-on-wheels full of paper, tools, pictures, etc. And here I was with my plastic bag containing a few pictures, some paper, and an album.
However, I had another go at it tonight, in the comfort of my own home, and voila! I have completed my first page. (In just a few short hours, to boot.)
You can check out my first page here, as well as viewing Nicole's first two pages. Thus, my scrapbooking journey has begun...

Singular Beauty

Double Vision

They call me "legs."

Thankful

Feeling thankful for the people in my life.

Thankful for the great supper my aunt made last night for a few of her nieces. (Myself included, obviously.)

That seems to be the theme this week: good food and conversation shared with friends and family.

Food, Friends, and Fun

What a wonderful evening! 9 friends sharing a great meal and 3 1/2 hours of conversation.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Feeling Good

I am in the midst of a happy moment. I just posted a new picture to carmsclicks. I love my pictures. Because they are something that I've created. Something that did not exist before I decided to create it. Sometimes it's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time, and I do have those kinds of pictures, but my "fine art" pictures are my treasures because they happened purposefully.

Also, I'm listening to one of my favorite CD's - a mix of some fantastic songs. Some great 80's songs that require an air guitar/air drum accompaniment; others that just cut right to the soul; and those that require a little hip hop action. Some days I could sit and listen to music for hours. Today could be one of those days, but that is just not practical. Aaahh, the tyranny of the urgent. I love music. I miss my guitar. One of these days, I'll buy a new one...

I had a great conversation at lunch today. It wasn't about anything spectacular, but it was so nice to genuinely converse with someone, and not just make small talk.

And while I haven't written much here and it's probably a little disjointed because I'm listening to music and "air guitaring", I just wanted to share these happy moments with you. Right at this moment, listening to my music, writing here, I wouldn't change a thing.

inspiration

Footprint?

The Conversation That Almost Happened

It still makes me laugh. Yesterday my friend Kyla called. I was in my bedroom, where I do have a phone, but the call display was not working. As per usual, I waited until the answering machine clicked on and the caller started leaving a message. (Yes, I do screen my calls. Diligently.) So the machine clicks on and Kyla starts leaving a message. I think "Yay! My friend is calling" so I pick up the phone. And here's where it starts to get fuzzy...I mean funny.
I say "Hello" and she says "Hi it's Kyla" and we start having a conversation about our upcoming Valentine's Day party. She suggests that we go to a movie after supper and I agree wholeheartedly. This carries on for a minute or so until she says something very strange - "So anyways, call me back when you get this. Bye."
Then I realize that we were not having a conversation at all. She was in fact still leaving a message because when I picked up the phone, it did not disconnect the answering machine (like it usually does)! It just so happened that she paused in all the right places to accommodate my end of the "conversation."
So I guess I need to call her back now, seeing as we didn't actually talk the other day. (Much as I thought we had.)

My Guitar

That Sinking Feeling

That Sinking Feeling

So I'm at a church meeting last night when it happens. We're sitting on these orange plastic chairs with the metal legs. You know the ones? And all of a sudden I feel as though I'm sliding down in my chair. So I straighten myself up only to realize that I have a problem of another sort. The seat of my chair is slowly caving in! Trying not to draw attention to myself I discreetly re-position my body over the frame of the chair, in an effort to avoid ending up with my knees around my chin, my bottom half sinking slowly towards the floor. That seemed to do the trick, and I made it out unscathed.

Of course, I could have just moved to a different chair.